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Trapped.
Leading a rigid lifestyle based on severe routine puts you in a jail cell. When you learn to live in a jail cell for a significant amount of time, you begin to forget how great life was outside of the bars. Stepping out into the unknown is… suffocating, and borderline unimaginable.
It’s not that I didn’t want to be with my friends more, make lasting memories, try new things, etc… it’s that I literally couldn’t. I was trapped.
I remember feeling this way as early as high school. Again, what started as a harmless and healthy habit developed in to a full-blown jail cell. I began with walking to relieve stress. It was a 2-fold blessing because I had finally found a method of physical activity that I was actually “good enough” to complete. I mean, almost anyone can walk (without tripping? that’s another story. GUILTY!)… and with a little practice, most can walk REALLY fast or for a REALLY long time. That was me.
Another teacher and I were known for our “power walks.” People would joke about the MPH that we were clocked at. On the days when we weren’t zipping through the streets, I would walk the length of the town and then some.
I know at some point it was out of enjoyment. It always is. When I “get” to walk in a new place, it’s something that brings me such… peace. (My creativity ROCKS while I am working out. Someday I will own a computer attached directly to my brain to capture my thoughts in real time.) It never takes long until my competitive side comes out…
Suddenly I feel the urge to walk just one more block. or just five more minutes. And each night it compounds, until I’ve absolutely maxed out my time available. This includes the time I’m choosing to give up with family and friends in order to fill a daily quota.
I’m known for being a distance walker, and I’ve taken it very seriously. Unfortunately, that’s not the only extreme I’ve taken in the last 10 years of my weight loss journey.
I knew that at some point I was crossing that realistic line. But I just didn’t know how to stop. I would almost give thanks for the times that someone would visit me so I was unable to workout as long. It also gave me tremendous anxiety. Something in my head screamed “FATTY!” whenever I happened to miss a workout. I irrationally believed that one slip-up would result in an instant regain of nearly every ounce.
I’m working on being OK with taking a day or two (or even three) off in a week. When I do workout, I tend to push. And I want to enjoy exercise again. Things like Zumba certainly help in that… but I mean I want to do it because I like how it makes me feel, not because the clock says I still have to torture myself for another hour… OR ELSE.
A new year, season, or even week can be really challenging on many levels for people. On the one hand, you have those people who really and truly do need to start adding exercise and healthy eating into their lifestyle. Then you also have people like me, who are also bombarded with the messages of diet and exercise and feel obligated (aka TRAPPED) to step up our game as well.
I’m learning about balance. And sanity. And the importance of treating myself right. Exercise is a beneficial activity on so many levels… within reason.
- I’m learning.
I’m learning that a day off doesn’t result in 100 pounds. It means being a little more careful about what I consume in the day and enjoying the time off. After all, our bodies do, at some point need a break to work optimally.
Small breaks don’t make you weak.
They make you stronger.
No need to beat yourself up.
Umm… excuse me?
I feel like taking a trip down memory lane in this post.
Before I joined Weight Watchers, I fought the idea tooth and nail (what does that expression even mean?!). I figured it was a room of gossipy old women who’d go around town and tell other people that I was fat. And desperate. Not only that, but when I didn’t have a successful week, I was surethey would stare at me and spread that around, too.
Let me tell you what REALLY happened. From the moment I stepped into the first meeting, I felt tremendous support. Every single person in that room had the same goal: a healthier lifestyle. We were a team. And no one was allowed to just sit on the bench. We held each other accountable, laughed and cried our way through struggles, and celebrated successes!
At one of the meetings, we were asked to write goals. I willingly admit that I’m hesitant to write goals down, because I tend to only say what I KNOW I can/will do. (I have a hard time letting people down.) But, it was part of the meeting, so I thought long and hard and wrote 2 things down:
- end up on the cover of Weight Watchers magazine and
- be at my “goal weight” by my high school graduation.
Although I wasn’t quite sure the first one was realistic, I needed something to strive for. After I told a few of the other members, it was no longer an “option,” it was a MUST. While I’ll fast forward through several of the struggles/triumphs of the weight loss journey today for the sake of my time and yours, I promise I’ll share more down the road. (I know you’re excited about that!!) So, we’ll pick up at the last Monday meeting before my high school graduation ceremony.
I worked hard to reach my goal weight. Really hard. And when I showed up to weigh in that night, I was confident that my efforts would pay off. I only had to lose 0.6 pounds.
I removed every last ounce of extra clothing I could… stepped on the scale… and… ugh. It said I had lost 0.4. I.was.DEVASTED. I tried shifting my weight and completely eliminating the air from my body but the scale didn’t move.
Everyone in the room knew how much that night meant to me, and they could read the disappointment on my face. One of the women said honestly and frankly: “Go in the bathroom and get naked! We won’t look!” She wasn’t kidding. After she repeated herself, a few others chimed in with the same suggestion. They were so behind me that they were willing to let me get naked to help me reach my goals.
I didn’t get naked. That’s NOT my style. I did change into shorts and a tank top, and reached my goal that night. (By the way, that’s against the rules in WW. Once you weigh in, that’s it. I know this because I also worked for them. So if you’re in the program, you won’t be this fortunate.)
Anyway, when you find the right people to surround yourself with, it’s amazing to realize what you can do accomplish. A good support system can mean the difference between pushing yourself out of that “safe bubble” and into bigger and better things.
It can also make a boring and monotonous workout routine fun and exciting again. I find myself in a “rut” a few times a year that makes working out seem boring, unattractive, and nearly impossible. That’s usually my cue to start looking for workout buddies.
Do you have one? Do you know where you can find one?
If you answer no to both of those questions, ask me. I’ll try to help you out.
“Gym time” is meant to be fun, energizing, and positive; not feared and dreaded. Make it happen!
