Daily Archives: August 3, 2012

the weight of the World

Sometimes I’d love to go back to the good ol’ days… the ones that consisted of t-ball and swimming lessons in the morning, swimming all afternoon, bike riding, a few quick chores, macaroni and hot dogs or spaghettios for lunch, and lots of friend time.

So simple. 

As I get older, I find myself craving simplicity more and more. Now, let’s not get carried away- the ability to drive, set my own bedtime and schedule, and total freedom to eat popcorn for supper are things I don’t know if I could/would trade for anything… but it’s really easy to “get lost” in the shuffle of life: jobs, house/apartment maintenance, volunteer responsibilities, social appointments, etc… sometimes it is just… too much.

If you haven’t figured out by my blogs (or maybe from just knowing me in person), I live out loud. But I’m more of  an introverted extrovert.(wait… what?!)
Sometimes, I love to be the center of attention (I’m a middle child- you gotta FIGHT for that right!). But others, I just want to sit and observe. Close my eyes and take in everything around me with no expectations for a reaction or answer.

I find that my introvert comes out when life starts to feel “beyond my grasp.” And lately… uff da.

I’m having the time of my life discovering new places and people and things, I love my job and where I live, I’m surrounded by a great support system… things are in place for “a good life.” I should be so happy, right?

Yet… lately I’ll admit to feeling like I’m drowning.

In these moments, I do a few things:
-cry. A lot. About everything. I’m pretty sure I started crying the other day because I couldn’t decide what flavor of toothpaste to buy. Please don’t even think about asking me what movie to go see.
-eat. Few things are safe, although I seem to be really into frozen marshmallows right now. I’m getting so much better at this than I was 11+ years ago, but I’m a work in progress. I’m becoming aware that food doesn’t “make it better.” This is why I keep a lot of vegetables and fruit on hand, and also why I glow in the right light.
-walk. I’ve said before how much I LOVE walking. To obnoxious lengths. You get it, right? Good. Walking helps me to clear my head and take deep breaths when I feel like I’m unable. It reminds me that God is watching out for me and I don’t need to “fix” everything in that instant. It slows                    me                        down…
-reflect. Sit. Listen. Take it in and process. Do you ever just appreciate the ability to listen? Whether it’s to music, to a conversation with a friend or between passersby, nature, or whatever else may be filling the air with sound waves… sometimes we forget what a blessing that is. And these brokenly beautiful moments remind me.
-pray. My reflections lead to a conversation between me and the Big Guy upstairs. I just talk to Him. I tell him what is wrong in my life- sometimes with an angry heart, other times with tears streaming down my face… no matter what, I feel safe saying whatever is on my heart. And when I finish, I’m filled with a crazy sense of peace and calm.
-talk to people. Good people. The kind that will listen to what you are willing to share, reserve judgement, and freely offer hugs and wholesome advice. I can only hope I am that person for others when they need it, just as they are to me. And be honest. Are you overwhelmed? Are you hurting? That’s OK. Talk about it.

In the hustle and bustle, I think it’s too easy for life to get away from us.
There are just so.many.things.

 This is the part when you just need to remember:
You are enough. Just do the best you can, appreciate the blessings you have around you, and find peace in knowing that you are not alone and you are equipped for the challenges you are facing.
Most importantly:

STOP

and take time for yourself. Your heart is telling you that it’s time to slow down for a minute. Accept that invitation.

Disconnect. This is SO hard for me. My smartphone seems to be glued to my hand most of the time. Shut it off, leave it at home, put it in the other room. Turn off your computer. Give yourself a break!

Do something that you love. Like paint your toenails… take a bubble bath… ride your bike and sing at the top of your lungs… read a book… write a letter… ahh… I’m feeling better already…

Did I mention sleep? Make that a priority. Your body and mind will thank you.

As I was walking along the glorious Greenway recently, I took a deep breath and smiled. It was like someone finally said, “You’re doing a great job, kiddo. Just keep going.”

Sometimes we just need to remind ourselves of that very thing:
Slow down.
And just keep going
that sun always comes out again.

 

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