How I got here

There are days when I have a hard time admiting it to myself, but I am a prophet of God.  I don’t mean I’m a Mark, Matthew or even a Jesus as we know them in the Bible…but I guess when I get myself to really believe what it is God has told us, I am.  God speaks through me.  He shows me things before they happen.  If I choose (yep, I have to decide to do it or it doesn’t work- no joke) to open myself up to it and allow myself to be sensitive to the voice of God in order for it to happen.  But when it does, lemme tell ya, HOLY CRAP!  I think this is the very reason that I have a hard time fully admitting to myself that it is indeed the truth- because as amazing as it truly is, it is also really scary.  I have another blog which I haven’t been all to active in over the past year or so that I have quite a bit of writting on.  If you’re interested, here is the link to it:

http://www.withmyheadphoneson7.blogspot.com/

I have decided that I will share some of the posts I have there through this blog.  As I was looking back at them a few weeks ago, I found this one and it gave me chills, I’ll explain why after it:  

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“Sometimes there are times where we are presented with an inward pull towards something “far greater than building an entire city”. God has been doing amazing works within me. He is calling me to work for Him in doing something grand on this campus.

And like most instances where we can feel that we are about to embark on something of grand scale, I also have a sense of overwhelming uncertainty. I find it amazing how we question ourselves when we are about to embark on something which will call us to take deep portions of who we are and ask of others things that we may be denied. To ask big things– to ask for a campus to change the only way it seems to know how to function. To stand up, as someone new, and say that this is not okay. To ask that others join in on your initiative and to gain buy-in on a new movement. To represent something, to be a leader, to recognize and point out what we readily choose not to see. This will be me. This is now me.

‘Ask, are the things that you are concerned with the concerns of God.’

Yes.

I can see that there has been a vast series of life events which I have experienced and am still experiencing now which has lead and prepared me for this journey that I am about to embark upon.

I sent one email asking if I could work with the person I was emailing to do an internship. Just one.

I had one meeting and shared pieces of who I am, 20 minutes later I was offered not only an internship but a GSA position. But I know the GSA position is not where I am being pulled. I am being pulled in a direction where I will lead others and change the mindsets of others, where I will create and initiate movements across our campus.

God is calling me to reach out and touch the hearts of the people who encounter our community. He has done many things, introduced me to particular people, had me experience specific situations to help me gain an understanding and lay a foundation– a solid platform –to push off of as I leap into the currently unknown.

Sometimes we have to blindly trust what lies ahead of us. Sometimes we have to keep on fighting against all forms of resistance even we are still discovering exactly which direction we are heading in. I can feel it all building, bubbling, boiling. It will happen fast. I’m eager to see what I can do in a short period of time. I am opening my mind set up for the feelings and experiences I had as I decided upon Not Where We Live back in Milwaukee, and I am getting ready to feel completely and utterly overwhelmed– I can see the pit in front of me.

I am curious to see what becomes of what I feel is in store for us”

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When I wrote this post, I was semi happy in the GSA job I had and almost through with my Master’s degree which I earned here at UND.  I had no idea where I would find work and I had no idea if I would find any work at all.  I had spent four months looking for and applying for jobs.  I had recieved well over 40 no letters without a single interview.  Finally, I received two interviews.  One for a very low level $10/hour job which I applied for simply because I needed something and it would keep me working with students.  The other wasn’t in Higher Education at all…but would at least give me more experience and help me to try and find whatever my nitch is. 

I’m the gal who changed her major six times in undergrad and ended up with two majors and nearly three minors.  I’m the little girl who growing up was told that you can’t learn and you never would be able to.  That I was being passed on simply so that some day at least I can say I have a high school deploma.  I’m the gal who loves to learn, write, read, present and make a difference in the lives of others.  I’m the gal who has more passion that I know how to deal with and will not always take no as an acceptible answer.  And I’m the gal who said no to both of the job offers I had from those two interviews because God had weighed it heavy on my heart that it was not what He had planned for me. 

What I didn’t know when I wrote this post is that I would be offered an opportunity to interview, then come to campus and interview half the day for my dream job- a job my resume said I wasn’t experienced enough for, but my passion and my drive said who cares?  What I didn’t know when I wrote this post is that God didn’t want me to go from a graduate level position I was bored in to an entry level position but to skip right up to a mid-level position which had recently seen a ton of change. 

What I didn’t know was that all of my fears, tears, sleepless nights, tenssion headaches and overall uncertainty was a push to open myself up to God and, if I trusted Him and put my fait in His hands rather than taking it into my own, that I would be find myself in a job I love more than any other I’ve had. 

What I said in that post, that I can feel something big coming, that I would have the chance to make change happen for our campus is exactly what I am a part of every single day.  We save lives through what we do in this office and this unit and it is as simple as encouraging others to make healthy choices in their lives and having a willingness to be there for them. 

The only reason I am where I am today is because I let go of myself and asked for God instead.  It isn’t always easy, but by commiting myself to it, I get to see the true image of God.  What else could I possibly desire while I live my time here on earth?

Posted on December 9, 2011, in Spiritual and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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